Friday, 10 May 2013

Eggshausted...

My situation is slightly funny. Weird funny. Hence the egg reference. I have been speaking to a 'suitor' (I remembered some of you had mentioned me using the term 'brother' was weird so I shall comply and see how I like it). He is a nice person, mashaAllah and I was hoping this would turn out well but then I started getting a strong feeling that he is looking to end it. I decided to stay positive and give it my best but I suppose it was inevitable. I'm not sure about the reasons that I've been given are genuine but I'm not pursuing it any more. It became an investment of too much time and effort for something that wasn't headed anywhere. I'd have to say this was one of the few times I've felt upset over things not working out. But alhumdulillah, things happen for the best and you can't force it.


While feeling a little moody, I happened to receive a message from another suitor who seems nice. Not sure where this will lead but so far the things that seemed to be an issue for the other suitor don't seem to be for him. Alhumdulillah. Only thing that I'm concerned about right now is that he's much younger to me. I don't know of many couples where the wife is older and the husband younger and if there's anything I should be concerned about. Other than that, he seems mature and understanding. Two qualities that are important to me.

After a while, all this hunting gets a bit tiring and emotionally exhausting. If this one doesn't work out, I might take another break. Probably pursue other things in life and forget about marriage if I can. See if I can change other aspects of my life instead of worrying about getting married. Because, if it's never meant to be then I would have missed out on other opportunities as well.

8 comments:

Chiara said...

I know a number of successful marriages where the husband is younger, eg 4 years, 11 years. I think that being mature and committed, and having common goals in lids have proven more important than age in these relationships.

Chiara said...

*common goals in life

single4now said...

Chaira! It's so nice to hear from you. I wanted to respond earlier but I had other things on my mind at the time. It's good that there are still successful marriages where the wives are older. Thanks for sharing. :)

Anonymous said...

Assalamu-alaikum,

It's 'contemplating':)

Funny how the search for a spouse takes its course with different potentials, the ups and downs, the non starters and the longed out 'NO's'.... all make for a an interesting story to tell your children insha-Allah :).

I met someone a week ago tomorrow. 2nd meeting ever with any potential! The following day i unexpected had another meeting with the guy....long story short, he is happy to proceed and so am i. No communication since. Waiting for the middle person to arrange a meeting with the family officially....and im going crazy because its at a stand still.....egghuasting!....i just want to move on....but i fear that maybe this is a false alarm...

Please don't think too much about the age thing, if he has qualities that you consider important minus a few years....so be it! If he is interested that is all that matters. Go for it insha-Allah :)

Good to see you blogging again :)

May Allah bless you with a fantastic husband. Ameen.

y said...

You should get a pet. I think that should take your mind off the worries. You can get a small cat or even a mouse, they are nice as well.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I feel like I'm reading about myself in your last couple of posts. Hitting 30 this year, there was a definite decline in the boys. I feel frustrated as well, but khair iA, whatever happens it will be for the best.
The hunting is truly exhausting, and expensive to say the least (matrimonial events and website ain't cheap lol). It's frustrating, but I continue to trek along an be somewhat hopeful. YOu come to a point where you just don't know where to look anymore, but who knows he may fall out of the sky :)

Salwa Muslimah Solace said...

Salam sis,

Go on you tube. there is a sister Aminaken and Nye armstrong both their husbands are younger then them, by one year or 4 years.

If he is a good catch do not let him go due to age. Maturity is what matters the most.

I have met suitors who were 7 years older then me, in professional jobs... you expect to be mature but where BIG babies and mommy boys. Sometimes men who are younger are very mature, and are strong Muslim men that you are looking for.

single4now said...

Anon #1 - I can't seem to find where I misspelt contemplating? May be I'm tired. :P Thanks any way. :) And yes, this whole hunt for 'the one' is tiring. I sometimes wonder how people are lucky enough to find more than one in this lifetime. I'll elaborate in my next blog post about the suitor but basically it's over. I hope you've had better luck. It certainly doesn't help when someone takes too long to get back to you. But lately, I've been guilty of doing the same. More on that later. Ameen @ the dua and May Allah grant you the same. Ameen. :)

y - haha. And become the weird cat lady. :P I actually would love a cat BUT I know other cat owners who've had their pets die on them and felt miserable afterwards. I'd be in the same state. Maybe I will volunteer to housesit a cat some time instead. :D

Anon #2 - Well, whenever he falls out of the sky randomly, he's going to get it for being up there all this time and making me wait this long. :P For now, I'll just continue hunting on Earth.

Salwa - good points! Maturity doesn't necessarily increase with age. It wasn't really his maturity that I was concerned about but more to do with a lasting relationship. I was once told that such men look back and wish they had married younger wives. Perhaps that does have to do with maturity, culture and deen.